Hello! Welcome to my first website!

All things flourish, and each returns to its source. - Tao Te Ching chapter 16

I hope you enjoy reading

This is mostly for fun and my own leisure

But if you like what you read it would be my pleasure!
Here is the home of my virtual personal entries, diaries, deepest secrets, desires, mistakes, crushes, loves, reads, front split progression log, yoga and running diary. Carrie's journal----

Mhm

Interests
February 11, 2026 Okay, it's harder to make a website than I realized. Okay, but this is only the very beginning of the blog. They didn't build Rome in a day. Neither is my ideal website. Yeah, yeah, nice, nice. Most interesting thing to happen today, Feb 11, 2026 is actually too embarassing to put online. It involved a toilet plunger, fellow track team member, and their student ID, that's all that is unredacted. The second most interesting thing to happen today was... I'm not sure, maybe my brother texting me, "Do you like Eliot Smith?" I replied, Yeah he's pretty good Lowkey too depressing tho (Spotify link to I Need Love by LL Cool J) The best to ever do it tbh It goes without saying, I lead a quiet life. Or if you are more of an optimist, I live, for the most part(thank god,)a peaceful life. I have shelter, food, comfort, clean water, shower, everything. I am bored out of my mind. It's time I do something exciting................

Like learn the most basic html. Huff.

Running log: No use, no legs. Just kidding, I have sciatica. So my ass hurts. I assume I did some bullshit to my left leg, first had a swollen ankle with post tibial tendonitis. I was doing some bullshit track workout at the armory in the evening and woke up the next morning with a puffy left ankle and PAIN. A couple days went, and it mostly feels better. However, I have nerve pain in my left leg and fucking hate track so I've resigned for a few days. Tried running, felt mostly okay. Except when I put my jeans on in the morning and go ow. Because, there's a pinch. I hate doing the bike, so I've put it off all day. Running sucks but putting the resistance up on a stationary bike is way worse. I also discovered that I don't like running. So, goodbye 5:30 mile, I am geriatric and very out of shape. When I finished the Brooklyn Half last year, I said, I can't wait to never run again. This year I'm running it again, but was unaware I signed up for the lottery until I saw the Congratualitions you've been selected email. Bruh. Track is not my thing, but I'll finish the season and fuck that 5:30 mile my ass is not doing that.

April 20: My ass did not have sciatica. It was a muscle strain lmao. I'm still running and really enjoying the outdoor season. I'm getting closer to my goal times. However, I have to finish this homework before I can go on a long run I pushed off till today. I feel like a dog I just wanna run lol. My homework is about Judith's maidservant, to give her a voice, which is a pretty easy and fun homework assignment but.... i don't wanna. I have this co worker that really go on my ass my last shift. Let me give a play by play. It's a really busy pastry and coffee shop. MY expertise. MY JAM. The thing I DO MY BEST AT. I AM IN THE ZONE. I have worked much HARDER jobs than this okay. I have worked job where the boss basically whipped me and told me I wasn't working hard enough NO LUNCH FOR YOU CAROLINE. NO BREAKS. WORK OVERTIME. So this job is like superrrrr low stakes and easy. Like they let you eat on the job. I was like omg I'm a person. It's coffee and pastries and serving it. Like no fucking biggie at all. No sweat off my back. But I'm new so of course. I do not know everything. I have only come in for a full shift honestly like once before. And this diva. my co-worker, my superior..... has given me some guff before. Micromanaging. Don;t do this. Don't do that. And some of it has been helpful, most of the things she has said has not been helpful and more "let me make you feel bad younger girl." "Let me tell you what to do I get off on controling things and people. It's the only thing that makes me feel real. Don't use the long stem spoon to stir the sugar into the hot espresso use the smallest spoon in the world that is in the littlest cup that is tucked behind the napkins in this corner here. No not that spoon. this one." Last shift a different co-worker saw her say something to me and pulled me aside and said hey I saw her talking to you, she's a hardass, don't let her make you feel bad. Something to that effect. And yeah I let it roll off my back I get it I'm new. It's no problem. people have been telling me I'm doing the wrong thing like everyday, I've got no issue with being corrected or anything like that. I know how to work. I do what I'm told. Well hot damn this shift, she got under my skin. IT was busy. I was making my ticket order. It involved, and this is important, a single.... espresso shot. Single. One shot of espresso. A single shot wand. I press the single shot on the espresso grinder machine, grounds for a single shot come out. I tamp the single shot of ground down. I have a ready loaded single shot wand, and I am ready to use it. I flush the espresso machine. It's ready to be fired.

BANG

My co worker comes up to me. I'm flustered. My shot is waiting to be discharged. I pull it from it's round. She says, Let's make it a double.

Without hesitation I listen to my higher in command. I follow the order. Yes, sergeant. I put my single down. I load a double. A double wand, bigger. Two shots. Higher load. Double duty. Maximum caffeine. My order requires one shot. I don't know her plans for this. She gives me the order, I follow without question. My double is poured. It is ready. She comes back. I'm glee with pride, I'm happy to be of service. My job, in my eyes, successful. No. This is wrong.

WASTED.

My head is spinning. My heart begins to race. I think what do you mean this is wrong. I pulled a double shot. A DOUBLE SHOT IN A SINGLE SHOT GLASS. THAT IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHALL RECEIVE. THAT IS WHAT A DOUBLE SHOT IS. ITS TWO. IN ONE. She says, no this is wrong. I can't use this. THis is wrong. She puts a little into her plastic cup of orange juice, trying to guestimate the halfway line. then dumps it out in the sink. This is wrong. I say, I don't know what I did wrong. It's a double. WHICH IS ALL THAT SHE ASKED FOR. My heart sunk. I felt like the worst barista in the world. Private. You tried and you still got killed my bpd evil barista how with a nose ring. I struggle to bottle my emotions up. I felt bad about myself in the work place. IT was sooooooooooo dramatic of her to act like that over a shot of espresso. Dramatic of me to get my panties in a bunch about it, but DAMN. GET OFF MY DICK. Most girls there are lovely and lowkey WOULD NEVER DO THAT. they would prob be like yo this is fine thanks, even if it's not what they wanted. SECOND, we are not really knowledgable of how we work together enough BECAUSE WE HAVENT WORKED TOGETHER ENOUGH. DONT GET MAD AT ME IF I DO THE WRONG THING. HOE THIS IS COFFEE. My jock, ridden on, hard. All up on my jock. Bitches on my jock. Bitches riding my dick for some espresso. It felt like a gotcha. If you can catch a vibe, it's probably true. Like I feel a strange energy coming from this girl directed at me. No one else seems to be paying closer attention to me than she does. Someone asked my shift hours and I said, 12-7, because that's what I thought. and She was very fast to say "12-6" and no one else knew that..... okay. She asked where I lived and said that's close and was like oh you said you were coming ate, does she live in the Bronx or something. Okay..... she asked what train I use, "like the abcd" and I was like yes...... very observational, girl trying to get info on me.